a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
