Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
