Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
