I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
3pm strippers are depressing
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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