I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
