How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
