just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
