We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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