I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
