And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize