your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
