I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
