ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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