his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
