Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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