He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
