I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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