No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize