My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
