better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
