it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
