I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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