wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
