every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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