I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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