I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
