Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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