I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
