whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
