I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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