Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
