i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
