After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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