Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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