no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
