how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
