gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
