Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
