beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I just sharted jello shots
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