I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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