I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
