it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
