If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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