sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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