she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
