well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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