I think I died a long time ago.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
