forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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