I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
