were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
