I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
