she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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