I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
