i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
