U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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