Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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