Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she told me i tasted like america
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
