ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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