I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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