Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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