hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need a beard to bite.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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