6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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