We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
