That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
