I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize