Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
