I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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