so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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