Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
