i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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