i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
