I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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