today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
