Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
