i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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