i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
