So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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